Uncontrollable
by mrsaturtle
Summary: **TRAUMA WARNING** A war leaves a person scarred, but when a wizard comes for your body immediately after the battle and you survive no longer are you just riddled with scars. Years after the war and Hermione only feels safe with one wizard, one of her former enemies. When mutual dependence grows into mutual desire, they fight to defend what they have when an enemy comes knocking.
1. The Prologue

**Uncontrollable**

 **Prologue**

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 *** TRIGGER WARNINGS ***

This story will deal with mental illness, including but not limited to, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, and Paranoia.

There will also be a somewhat vague description of a sexual assault.

Every bit of this story is done for my own therapy, as I suffer from all the above-listed illnesses. I'm also a victim of sexual assault and see this as a form of therapy.

If you do NOT like this issues that will be discussed in this story please move along. All negative comments will be ignored. This is not a story for everyone.

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 **IMPORTANT:**

This is a Lucius & Hermione pairing, and while I LOVE reading and writing Antonin & Hermione, this is NOT that story. In this story, my characterisation of him is much more in line with Canon and the man that cursed a fifteen-year-old girl with something that should have killed her. In this story, he has a dark obsession with her and at NO point will he be good or redeemable. I wanted to warn you all, though inevitably someone might still end up confused or wanting to redeem him, this will not happen. Please read my other stories for Antonin redeemed.

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I **DO NOT** own the rights to Harry Potter, the only thing I own in this story is the unique storyline. But the characters, places, settings and world all belong to Jo Rowling.

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" _I survived because the fire inside of me burned brighter than the fire around me." -Unknown_

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Hermione's eyes reflected the light of the fire that danced closer to her even as she felt the hand that had been at her chest slip further down. She couldn't move, she couldn't scream, all she could do was lay there, a victim to whatever sick ideas Dolohov had for her.

Tears streamed from her eyes, burning her face, and creating trails in the grime of the Battle. She didn't cry for the hands that were now inside her, that would come much later, she didn't cry from the pain that still kept her twitching against the invisible bonds that held her. No, she cried from the anger inside at herself. She should _never_ have gone out by herself.

With their leader gone, she has assumed all of the Death Eaters had scattered, terrified of being captured, and she had gone to look for allies, dead or alive, it didn't matter. She had been bent over the wrecked body of Lavender Brown when the silent spell had hit her from behind. _Crucio_ was a horrible spell, only used in horrible times, and though she had felt it on her person once before, Hermione was ill prepared for it a second time. Though, as she thought of it, you could never really _prepare_ for such a spell.

After the _crucio_ came the paralysis, a spell she didn't recognize. It wasn't a stunning spell or a leg-locker, no this was something she was sure was of Dolohov's own creation, a spell that kept his victims awake and alive while he went through his various forms of torture.

Hermione pulled herself back to reality when she felt her legs being spread, she didn't know where her jeans had disappeared to, and at that moment she begged whatever Gods or Higher Powers there could be in this world that they would strike one of them down. She didn't care if she died, as long as she didn't have to live through being raped.

It was in that silent moment, her eyes closed, her mind begging for freedom from her body, that a saviour found his way to her. Hermione's eyes widened when she first saw the other Death Eater mask float into existence, and for a long moment the Death Eater seemed to pause, taking in the scene before them, and their wand began moving.

A wide arc, a narrow jab, and push of air toward herself and Dolohov. Hermione closed her eyes, ready for Death, ready to disappear into the ether when a wall of pressure pushed down on her before the same air tried to bring her locked body up off the ground. It was ten heartbeats, ten seconds of pounding noise behind her ears before she opened her eyes again. Both terrified and surprised to be alive, she took in the sight before her.

Dolohov on his back, his pants down to his ankles, his still semi-hard cock frozen in place. The black-clothed Death Eater staring down at Dolohov, before walking toward Hermione, their expression unreadable for the mask. Hermione began to feel the urge to tremble, fearing that all this Death Eater had done was remove the competition.

Her eyes widened when the Death Eater knelt down at her side, and began to shimmy her jeans back up her body, and twisted the button into the loop to close them around her. With a wave of their wand, Hermione could move again, but as soon as she moved to sit up and thank the anonymous person, agony moved over her chest and abdomen. Without needing to look she knew that this time Dolohov will have surely killed her with his curse. The same one that had ripped her skin open three years prior was ripping her open again. Her screams replaced all other sounds as the whole world seemed to stop and the pain crashed over her.

The voice behind the mask called out to her, "Miss Granger, please stop moving, if you keep moving you are liable to kill yourself, please let me heal you first."

She remembered that deep, masculine voice, but she couldn't place a face to the wizard. That voice continued to call her, now abandoning propriety for her first name, calling for her to stay with him. She wanted to, whoever he was, at that moment she wanted to stay with him. She kept her eyes locked onto the cold grey eyes behind the ornate mask, her only point of focus as she started to feel dizzy. Her head began to pound; her breaths came in short bursts as her heart seemed to beat stronger, using every last bit of its will to keep fighting.

Her saviour's mask moved, shifted in his excursion to heal her. She heard another voice calling out her name and a body kneeling on her other side. The mask still hid the Death Eater from her sight, but a long queue of pale blond hair fell from the cloak and she knew whose voice was now pleading with her, her name tumbling from his beautiful lips.

Hermione's mouth was still open in a scream when her eyes began to close and the world turned black as she felt her blood seep into the cold, hard earth beneath her.

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 _To be continued. . ._


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** _Thank you my dear and wonderful readers for your amazingly supportive comments for the last chapter. It was meant to be short, and only gloss over what had almost happened to Hermione. I could not bear to write an actual scene of sexual assault, so its vagueness is on purpose._

 _I just want to remind you all that this story will probably never be done on a predictable schedule. I might be able to push through a couple of chapters at a time, but as this story is my own form of therapy, it will write itself when the muse is there. Please follow the story to receive the updates as they come._

 _For all my readers who share the similar burden of mental illness, know I'm sending you all virtual hugs. The creator of this amazing universe suffered as well and it played a huge part in the aspects of the story, so to will, this story be influenced by my own struggles._

 _I want to encourage all of you if you don't know about it already to check my facebook group Mrsaturtle's Readers where I post additional information or pictures of a scene or anything that I think you would enjoy._

 _I beta'd this story myself with the use of Premium Grammarly, so if there are any rough areas that is why._

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 _I do not own any part of the characters, locations, or any creations of the Harry Potter universe. I only own the single creation of this story idea._

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 _16 June 1998_

Lucius' eyes were glued to the brunette witch beneath him but he saw Remus Lupin rid Antonin Dolohov of his wand, and from the corner of his eye, he saw the werewolf turn his wand onto Lucius, himself. While there could be no doubt that the Brightest Witch of Her Age was in trouble, he didn't blame his old classmate for his suspicion, but he didn't have time for it. He was trying to save her life, why he couldn't really reason through, but he knew he needed to save her.

His wand was moving in furious movements, as he tried to stop the spread of the curse that the Russian wizard had cast on the small witch. A previous wound had already opened up, draining her of blood, causing her body to finally go into shock, and pass out, but now the curse was creating new lines in the witch's pale flesh and she was going from pale to white fast.

"Lupin I need help," Lucius called to the werewolf.

"I need you to say _Vulnera Sanentur_ until the curse starts to slow down. It will not go back, but we must stop it before it reaches her spine." His voice was tight as he recalled watching wizards losing their lives to Dolohov's curse. It had only been because Theodore Nott had been set upon that he and Severus had figured out how to stop the advancement.

The two old schoolmates began the incantation, and Lucius' grey eyes watched as it slowed down, halting it's forward progress as it had begun to snake around her side towards her back. He watched her begin to stir, a soft groan escaping her lips, just as she started screaming.

He pulled back from her then, confused because that was not what had happened, and as soon as he realised that, his eyes opened wide. Lucius woke up and heard a small voice near the side of the bed.

"Master, sir, Missy Hermione is-" Meena, his personal house-elf began to say, as he moved from his supine position to standing in the blink of an eye.

Lucius Malfoy had his grey robe billowing behind him before Meena could begin speaking, but he didn't really need to know what was happening. He could hear it, the witch who's room was across from him was screaming. It was the scream that had woken him up for the past two weeks since the Battle of Hogwarts, it was the scream he was no responsible for calming.

Moving into the witch's room, he took one glance at her before he moved towards her. Hermione Granger's body was drenched in sweat, the soft cotton sheet was wrapped around her like a constrictor and her face was clenched in imaginary pain.

"Meena her dressings," Lucius muttered as he moved to the side of the bed, his wand waving as he removed the binding charm that kept her on the bed. The tiny house-elf dressed in a nightgown hopped onto the bed and wordlessly disappeared the dressings still wrapped around the witch's abdomen. With a look of pain in his eyes, Lucius reached for a calming draught on the nightstand next to the witch's bed. Uncorking it, he coaxed it down her throat, her mind still locked in what he was sure was a nightmare similar to the one he had awoken to.

Meena was now cleansing the deep wounds along Hermione's stomach and sides when the witch tensed. Lucius ducked at the same moment he heard a small _pop_ and the tiny house-elf disappeared. From the witch's hands a bright light erupted, and with it, a tremendous heat the Lucius had only felt once before. As quickly as it had begun, it was over.

Raising himself back up, Meena appeared back on the bed and continued her ministrations as though nothing unusual had happened. Lucius summoned a flannel from the nearby washroom and dunked it in the basin of water beside the nightstand. He then sat on the edge of the bed and began to blot her face with it, ridding her of the sweat. Lucius put his other hand to her cheek and felt the fever burning in her blood. With a curse, he stood and walked to the fireplace, a quick wave of his wand lit the fire, and he dropped floo powder in before sticking his face into the emerald green flames.

In a fireplace across the country, Lucius Malfoy's face appeared, and when he cleared his throat a young witch in lime green robes jumped with a startled cry from the desk across from the fire.

Pansy Parkinson turned and gazed at the flames now licking Lucius' face. "Oh Mr Malfoy, you startled me, what can I do."

"Miss Parkinson, who's on call right now for Miss Granger," Lucius asked, looking thoughtful as he tried to remember the current rotation for Hermione's healers.

"That would be Healer Wittcliff," Pansy answered briskly, knowing that Lucius wasn't one for small talk.

"Please inform him quickly that she's burning with fever again," Lucius didn't wait another second before he pulled his head back out of the fireplace. He raised himself back up and watched for a moment as Meena continued to slowly stitch her wounds back together. It had been only a week since Hermione had been well enough to leave St. Mungo's and Lucius had pleaded with both the Ministry, Shacklebolt and Potter to have her brought to Malfoy Manor.

 _21 May 1998_

Hermione's eyes opened slightly, absorbing the words that were being said to her by the healer, even as a dull ache spread throughout her centre.

"Miss Granger, you are currently well enough to begin at home care and Mr Malfoy has personally asked to be in charge of your care. Mr Potter would like to speak with you about it. We need you lucid enough to make a decision, so we've temporarily lifted your sedation so that he can talk to you and explain things."

Hermione felt someone move next to her, but she closed her eyes as the dull ache began to grow.

"Hermione, I don't have much time before we'll have to sedate you again, but since the Battle and your attack, your magic has been unpredictable and uncontrollable, by all accept Malfoy. Kingsley and I have both interviewed him under veritserum, and he's been tried by the Wizengamont for his crimes in the war, as well as making an unbreakable vow with me." Harry paused, his voice growing distant as the paint continued to rise in her.

Harry cleared his throat and continued, "Lucius has experience dealing with Dolohov's curse when it doesn't kill someone, his house-elf has also made a vow and knows how to heal your wounds. You've been releasing bursts of accidental magic, and have hurt quite a few healers, and only once we allowed Malfoy in the room have the injuries stopped. I'm not a fan of where you're going Hermione but it really does seem like the best place for you right now. I'm sure Malfoy will explain more as you heal but you're going to spend quite a few weeks -," she couldn't hear Harry anymore, as the feel of fire ripping her apart began to overwhelm all sense.

So loud were her screams that Hermione wasn't aware of the blond wizard moving forward, his wand moving furiously as he cast shield charms around all of the inhabitants in the room, even as a heat wave moved out from Hermione and hit him squarely in the chest. He continued to move, calling out for his house-elf, within seconds Meena with her large green eyes, and pristine pink dress appeared next to Lucius. She took in the scene even as her Master doubled over from the shock waves of heat hitting him, and he somehow kept the shields up around the witch.

The house-elf moved quickly, and Hermione's skin which had begun to bleed at the edge of the long wounds that crisscrossed over her abdomen, slowly began to stitch itself back together, the bleeding stopping. Lucius Malfoy stuck out his hand still doubled over and with wandless magic sedated the brunette witch again, her screams finally ceasing.

The shields fell and a healer rushed over to him, "Mr Malfoy please let me look."

"It's fine Lindt," Lucius began before he turned to the black haired and bespeckled wizard who's mouth hung open. "Mr Potter it is time to move her to the Manor before she hurts anyone else. The uncontrollable magic she's exhibiting won't be contained to this room for long, we must get her out of her before she kills anyone else."

Harry Potter nodded, his eyes locked on that of his best friend, ignorant of everything around her, but her face still clenched in pain.

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 _To be continued . . ._


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: a few notes of revision are needed for the previous chapter, and I do apologise for the many errors both in spelling, punctuation, and continuity but it was only edited with Grammarly.**

 **In the last chapter, I had a section that read: "It was the scream that had woken him up for the past two weeks since the Battle of Hogwarts, it was the scream he was no responsible for calming." The underlined portions are wrong. 1) it has been over a month since the battle of Hogwarts and almost a month since Lucius brought her with him to the Manor, and because he decided to bring her to the Manor, he does see it as his responsibility to help calm her.**

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 _16 June 1998_

Lucius sat patiently in the armchair near Miss Granger's bed, watching as Meena attended to her needs. How the house-elf did half the magic that was necessary to care for someone who was almost comatose, still shocked Lucius.

It was one of the many shocks he'd been privileged to witness over the last month since the end of the war. He knew full well just how lucky he was to still be alive, in his state of mind, and not serving time in Azkaban for all of the crimes he committed during the war. The cynical part of him that had died during the Battle couldn't even rise up enough to call Potter and Kingsley weak and naive for trusting him with the young muggle-born witch. He was grateful, eternally for the witch that was healing in his home, she was his chance, and he had spent many nights since she came home from St Mungo's realising just how critical this chance was.

He could finally become a man he could be proud of, a man his father would have beaten to within an inch of his life. But that was the beauty in death; sometimes, the people who tortured you and made you into a shell of who you wanted to be, were now gone.

A small pop sounded behind him, and Lucius drew his new wand before he could blink, only to place it back in the pocket of his silk trousers.

"Thank you, Arly," Lucius murmured to the house-elf beside him, as he took the crystal glass of amber liquid the house-elf offered him.

Arly bowed slightly, before righting himself and nodding in the direction of Meena and Miss Granger, "Her condition is not improving as fast as Mistress Malfoy's did."

Lucius swallowed the firewhiskey in one go, before he answered, uncertainty and grief plaguing him. "No, she is not. I'm beginning to wonder if she will heal completely at all. We do not have the skill of Severus to mix us potions just yet, the old cad himself is taking quite the time to heal, and Narcissa, well -." He swallowed, "Miss Granger has been hit with Dolohov's curse before, we do not know what kind of damage that did and how it will affect the long-term outcome of the healing process."

Arly nodded, and Lucius was thankful that the elf had stood by him through all the years of abuse that had been gone on between the elves, the Malfoy family members, and their guests.

The two watched on in silence as Meena continued on, sweat beads now across the small elf's forehead, as she stitched layers of epidermis and dermis back together. No one spoke, and only Meena moved until a faint buzz alerted them all to an incoming floo.

Lucius stood and wrapped his grey silk robe around his shoulders, as an older wizard in lime green robes stepped from the fireplace. The man had to be in his eighties, just beginning to grey and show signs of any age at all, but he was active and knowledgeable for that Lucius was grateful.

"Ahh Mr Malfoy, what seems to have happened?" Healer Wittcliff asked striding forward and to his patient, setting his case down on the floor beside him.

"She's burning with fever again, another infection?" Lucius asked, walking to the edge of the bed to watch the Healer work.

"Yes, I'm afraid so, look at the pink colour at the edge of the wounds and how tight they seem to be stretching the skin, that by itself is all a clear sign of infection. The last round of potions barely helped," Healer Wittcliff paused, opening his bag, the room filled with the rattle of potion bottles hitting together. "Let's try this one, for now, I'll contact a Potion's Master in Italy and see if they could help concoct something that might be a bit stronger. We haven't discussed any side effects of these potions, have we?"

Lucius shook his head, swallowing hard. It has happened with Narcissa, Snape had warned them that using such potent potions to counteract the magic Dolohov had created came with a price. Unfortunately, the War Heroine couldn't even consent to what decisions were being made on her behalf.

"Would you like me to owl Mr Potter right now, or can it wait till the morning before the discussion begins?" Lucius asked, his voice tight.

"It must wait till morning. I need to contact the Potion's Master and find out what if anything else could be done, let us set up an appointment for eleven tomorrow." Healer Wittcliff said, pulling a few vials from his bag. "I will set her up with these for now and hope they make a difference before tomorrow."

Lucius walked towards the end of the bed, waiting patiently for the Healer to finish so he could close the Floo access once again. His grey eyes watched as the Head Healer showed his house-elf the different potions that would be in use, and instructed her when to administer them. Lucius knew it was highly unorthodox to have a house-elf in charge of the care for the muggle-born witch, but Meena knew more about the healing process then even Lucius, and he had sat bedside three times following Dolohov's curse.

The first wizard, Rowle had dared challenge the Russian genius in a duel and had come out much worse. The Russian had sure known some nasty pieces that would render even the greatest of duelers helpless, but the Dark Lord had been displeased to lose Rowle and had instructed the Malfoy family to find a way to help him.

He and Narcissa, thankfully Draco had been at school, had called upon Severus, who was at the Manor for a meeting, and together they had stopped the advancement of the curse. Rowle had screamed the whole time, the great blond wizard cursing at them while Severus experimented with many different charms and counter-curses until he made some headway with the counter curse for one of Snape's own curses. It with the aid of many potions could actually bring someone back from the brink of death.

Lucius had then witnessed the curse being turned on another wizard, someone whose name was forgettable, but they had stitched him back together as well, potions and wand movements leaving the man with only a puckered scar across his back as a reminder of the wrath of the Dark Lord.

It hadn't been until Narcissa herself had the wand used on her that Lucius had learned himself the potions and the spells it would require, he had leaned heavily on Meena who had stood next to Severus through the whole process with Rowle and the other wizard. Severus hadn't been on hand when Narcissa had been cursed, as it had been Dolohov who lost control, and not the Dark Lord who ordered the attack. Lucius had sent Arly to collect Severus from Hogwarts, and thankfully with Severus as Headmaster, he had been there within minutes.

Lucius had watched his wife slowly bleeding, and he had realised in those moments that though there had never been romantic love between the two of them, there had been companionship, friendship, and a shared love of their son. And though he now recognised it, those moments had started the thawing of his heart, he realised the danger he had put his family in by following the Dark Lord.

At the end Severus had done his job, Narcissa was stitched back together, a scar along her right side the only sign of the curse, but it had left her weak. With only three months left of the war, Narcissa's health had diminished, and the Cruciatus that was used on her during the final battle had been too much. She had died just two days after the Battle.

Lucius was pulled from his thoughts when Healer Wittcliff snapped his bag closed and walked towards him, "I'll owl you in the morning, please let me know if Mr Potter is available. If not we can of course reschedule."

The blond wizard nodded and walked the Healer to the fireplace, waving his wand over it when the emerald green flames had died inside of it.

Take a deep, steadying breath he moved back to the bed and slumped into the chair. "Well?"

Meena spoke, sitting on the edge of the bed, next to the muggle-born witch, "She is healing, it seems some fluid was built up in her abdomen. Mister Healer Wittcliff thinks more aggressive potions will help, but her blood loss is much better Master."

Lucius nodded, thanking Merlin for that, the witch had practically lived on Blood-Replenishing Potions for the last month.

"Master," Meena's quiet voice alerted him to the change in conversation. His grey eyes looked up, the little house-elf twisted her dress between her hands, nervousness clearly etched on her face.

"Yes, Meena."

"Master, it's just Missus Granger has not had a proper shower since she came home, her hair, sir it needs washing. I cannot soak Missus, the wounds must not be soaked, I am not sure what Master wants Meena to do."

Lucius stared at his house-elf, the one who had cared for Draco through his childhood, and knew she was distressed. He hadn't honestly thought about the state of the witch's hair, as it was kept up and off her face.

"Are charms not acceptable for hair?"

"I have been doing them, Master, but hair is cleaned best when the scalp can be massaged, and the hair let down."

Lucius' eyes moved to the witch on the bed, his brain whirling to life, as he realised the limitations the house-elf was under. He knew of one way to clean the girl's scalp, but he was loathe to do such a thing on someone so innocent.

Steeling his nerves and beginning to put mirrors up around his mind, Lucius looked back at the small house-elf, "Meena in the future if there is anything you cannot do, or need help with in regards to Miss Granger, you are to let me know immediately. Understand?" Meena nodded, as Lucius stood, "Arly, please go run the water in her shower, Meena, please change Miss Granger into a chemise."

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 _To be continued. . ._


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